Those who enter married life may experience disillusionment with their significant other more than once because the pressures of life can sometimes cause them to lose the image of themselves for the first time and even lead to doubts about their honesty.
However, based on actual surveys, the main cause of emotional cracks is often due to a lack of mutual attention and respect, leading to both parties’ opposition and resistance. Conversely, happy marriages rarely involve conflicts, mainly due to the adherence to the following five principles.
1. Avoid using violent language
People often say, “Courtesy costs nothing”, which is valuable in communication. Language is an invisible thread that connects all emotions, such as pleasure, discomfort, happiness, anger, and frustration, through the storytelling and speaking style of the other person. Especially in relationships, one must be extremely cautious, gentle, and refrain from using rude, vulgar, or insulting language when angry.
Because this path will lead to resistance and contempt, sometimes even extending to the parents when the couple argues, not to mention the cases of physical violence that may cause unintended consequences. Therefore, let’s stop using violent language to avoid causing more harm to those around us and, at the same time, help nurture our marital relationship.
2. Don’t interfere with someone’s hobbies or habits
According to psychological experts, the hobbies and habits of a normal person are formed very early on through environmental factors, education, cognition, or social perspectives, creating a gradually ingrained and stable personality that is difficult to change. However, they also point out that a personality is a form of emotion and the instinct of self-defense that humans exhibit when detecting danger. At that moment, they will know how to be cautious or regulate their psyche to suit the unsafe situation.
Furthermore, empirical surveys have shown that the majority of divorces are caused by incompatible personalities, differing opinions, and a lack of common ground. In a study by multiple authors titled “The role of personality in marital satisfaction and conflict: A social learning perspective,” published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 1999, the level of conflict that breaks down marriage is when one intervenes too deeply in their partner’s habits and preferences, causing dissatisfaction and loss of trust, which increases the level of dissatisfaction from the other half, as they feel their advice is not valued and even belittled.
A man from Ho Chi Minh City shared, “I understand that my wife’s initial concern stems from her love for me, which makes her often care about my activities, even my habits and preferences, and wants to monitor them. However, if this is repeated frequently, it will only lead to frustration due to a lack of trust and respect.” He also added, “In a marriage, if one only sees the negative and flaws in their partner, the feelings will inevitably diminish. Unless they find tolerance and silently endure the shortcomings of their spouse, the other half will never change willingly and unconditionally.”
3. Never stay angry for more than a day
Some scientific studies indicate that prolonged anger directly affects health and quality of life. It is also a leading cause of many illnesses because the body releases a series of hormones such as adrenaline, noradrenaline, cortisol, and dopamine. If these hormones are produced excessively over a long period, they can become harmful to the body, leading to underlying illnesses related to anxiety disorders and stress, such as hypertension, stroke, heart disease, diabetes, digestive disorders, osteoporosis, Parkinson’s disease, multiple personality disorder, and insomnia.
Showcasing that, this not only fails to bring peace but also increases the emotional distance between individuals. Specifically, the other person will gradually lack interest, encouragement, and sharing, replacing them with hatred, neglect, and even loss of emotions when their partner cries, leading to ‘indifferent’ actions from the other half, including deeply hurtful words.
Therefore, it is essential to minimize anger and find a reason to be grateful and loving. Once the tense and anxious feelings are eliminated, work and relationships can flourish.
4. Sleeping separately should be avoided
Long ago, our grandparents used to teach, “Anger at the head of the bed, conciliation at the end of the bed” This implies that conflicts and arguments between spouses are bound to happen, but no matter how different their opinions may be, they should strive for positive reconciliation to resolve conflicts before going to sleep. This ensures that their sleep is not dominated by negative emotions that could affect the quality of their married life.
However, even with this understanding, unhappy couples often resort to the only measure and habit they have, which is to sleep separately when they cannot reconcile or talk to each other. This approach goes against the happiness rule because long-term marital bonds require a sense of intimacy, sharing, and care. In reality, there have been many cases where a lack of self-control and reliance on others’ emotions has led to mistakes, allowing the other party to enter into clandestine relationships.
5. Refrain from speaking ill of your partner to negative individuals and family members
A lack of attention and understanding from one’s partner can create a great deal of pressure on the other person. Over time, this can accumulate into negative emotions such as pain, sadness, and loneliness. When the ability to cope is no longer possible, seeking someone to confide in and reduce internal stress and sadness is necessary. In such cases, it is advisable to seek a professional psychological counselor or choose someone who lives a healthy, positive lifestyle and is willing to help others as they will provide the most sincere advice.
On the other hand, sharing one’s private life with negative or judgmental people on social media will only bring more pain and even damage one’s happiness. It is especially not recommended to confide in family members as sometimes their concerns can make them lose their neutrality and deeply interfere with one’s private life. If not handled skillfully, this can lead to regrettable consequences as no one wants to be seen as a bad person in the eyes of others.
There is a Vietnamese proverb that goes “When you love someone, you will know how to turn their 9 mistakes into 10 perfect points”. This metaphorically suggests that humans are inherently imperfect, but tolerance and forgiveness in love can fill every flaw.
Furthermore, there is a saying like this: “The husband and wife should be similar to the hand and the eye. When the hand hurts, the eyes should be crying. And the hand should wipe away the tears when the eyes cry”. If both sides genuinely care for each other, someday they will recognize the sincerity we wholeheartedly convey. Therefore, let’s be patient and open our hearts to understand each other better. Because building a strong marriage isn’t easy, don’t rush to let go so you won’t regret it later.
By TVVN Press
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