When in love, no one wishes for their relationship to end in separation. Especially for those who are deeply emotional or have shared hardships or have children together, it becomes even more difficult to forget. However, for some reason, both parties find themselves stuck in the lingering sadness referred to as ‘the ex-lover’.
Vietnamese people often say, “Where there is smoke, there is fire. Where there is destiny, there is debt”. This means that every ending has a reason. If a relationship is to last forever, it needs love, trust, and fidelity, and also fate. Because life is filled with pressures and temptations that can easily lead one astray. However, if fate has decreed it, no matter the distance or the number of breakups, they can still be together. In cases where it is difficult to maintain a friendship after a breakup, it is often because they have endured significant emotional wounds from each other. Nevertheless, some individuals continue to reminisce about the past, while others are able to preserve a friendship. Therefore, How can one behave gracefully in a new role, and is it truly necessary to establish a close bond with an ex-lover? This will depend on the following factors:
1. Determine the extent of your own feelings towards your ex
Every relationship that comes to an end, regardless of its duration, leaves a special imprint in the hearts of the counterpart. However, there are individuals who possess strong emotional control or those who prefer to keep their emotions detached. They never allow the past to dominate their lives and decisions. At times, they may ‘cut ties’ in a cold manner to avoid complications later on. As the ancients used to say, “Money and love should be kept separate”. On the flip side, there are couples who started as beautiful friends, confidants, and benefactors.
They feel admiration and gratitude for the assistance provided in the past due to the kindness of the other person. Nevertheless, since it is still an old relationship, it is important to clearly identify the emotions within. If lingering feelings persist, it can easily cross the boundaries of a pure friendship
2. Consider whether there are still any remaining obligations or ties between each other?
In some cases, if it’s unavoidable due to work or shared responsibilities in raising children, it’s necessary to continue maintaining a friendship to develop a positive professional relationship and familial connection. This action not only demonstrates civilized behavior after a breakup but also fulfills the obligations and duties of both parties. However, to achieve this, both sides need to reach an agreement and respect each other’s desires through open and honest communication, being willing to listen to each other’s suggestions. At the same time, they must let go of all romantic feelings and view each other as friends and partners, prioritizing mutual benefits in order to build a beautiful and harmonious relationship.
Additionally, it’s crucial to limit personal interactions or excessive concern, as this can easily reignite emotions or result in discomfort for the person who has experienced hurt, and may even lead to a misunderstanding once again. Regardless of the reasons for any breakup, maintaining emotional boundaries with an ex is essential.
3. Considering the current circumstances and the state of both individuals?
If both parties are still single or have no emotional attachments to each other after the breakup without any lingering hurt, resuming a friendship is a very positive step. However, if one knows that the other person has gotten married or entered into a new relationship, it is advisable to limit contact and meetings. It is rare for someone to be generous and tolerant enough to see their loved one being close to someone of the opposite sex, especially an ex-partner. They fear and believe that old habits are hard to break and old feelings are hard to forget. Moreover, don’t compare the new person to the old one based on their differences, as no one can fully understand another person in a short period of time, and the way they love, care, and show concern will differ. Most importantly, don’t dwell on regret or reminisce about a past that no longer exists.
Furthermore, the other person’s emotions cannot remain unchanged as they were initially; they may only be a fleeting sense of sympathy or temporary desire. When they return, it is you who will still bear the pain, and at times, you may even have to endure the stigma of being the third party, causing shame and sorrow to your parents and loved ones. All of this due to an ill-considered love, lacking in discernment.
4. What will happen when you meddle in the feelings of an ex?
From there, it’s crucial to stay sober-minded. Don’t let infatuation and regret blind you, diminishing your self-esteem and principles. Someone who genuinely loves you with sincerity and responsibility would never want to see the person they love suffer, feel humiliated, or be forced to hide in their ‘shadow’.
In the case of Ms. N.L from Ho Chi Minh City, who shared her story: “He and I were once in a relationship during our school days. Many years later, I applied to work at a corporation. Coincidentally, he was the director of human resources and already had a wife and children, while I remained single.”
She continued: “Initially, I saw him as an old friend and maintained a platonic friendship, but over time, as we interacted more at work, emotions blossomed. I felt like a person lost, unable to control my feelings out of fear of losing him, turning myself into a third party interfering in their relationship. When his wife discovered our messages and caused a commotion at the company, he begged his wife for forgiveness and promised to break up with me. That’s when I realized that the past I cherished was merely a commodity for his pleasure. Meanwhile, for the sake of this relationship, I lost the ability to become a mother after two abortions, lost my job, and endured public ridicule. As for him, it took five years for me to hear that his wife left him for another man, and his business ventures failed, forcing him to sell his house to repay debts. I believe this is retribution for the foolish, those who blindly immerse themselves in love without considering the consequences”. And she always feels guilty for what transpired.Top of Form
Therefore, don’t let loneliness awaken past emotions and result in losing opportunities and time. Instead of chasing after a relationship that never truly existed, that doesn’t belong to you, open the door to seek peace and focus on developing your own self-worth. Because in that place, there might be someone waiting for you, together aiming towards a bright and happy future ahead.
By TTVN Press