From being two strangers unrelated but kindling love and concern between them. Some individuals go to the extent of forsaking everything just to reside alongside that special person. Having traversed through time and numerous challenges, they eventually find their way home together. However, after a few years of marriage, they feel regret, and resentment, and forget the goodness they once shared, all because they recall the harsh words and curse.
In the myriad of encounters to find a life partner, it is neither a coincidence nor a superficial choices. Everything begins with admiration and a sense of excitement when the other person exhibits qualities they are seeking and anticipating. Moreover, in modern times, instances of coercing someone into marriage are rare compared to previous generations, plus a courtship period of at least a few years is enough for both to realize each other’s ‘bad habits’. Particularly for people who have only known each other for a few months and have gotten married, it is because they feel secure and confident when they are with that person. Others also carefully consider the conditions and compare them with people they used to know. Suppose if there is an ‘incident’ they still have enough consecutive days to consider and think. Therefore, it is difficult to say that the decision to get married was a mistake or a temporary impulse.
However, why does their married life lack sweetness and empathy? Every day, they are confronted with cold and sometimes harsh expressions, enduring instances of abuse and severe verbal insults. Everyone is well aware that such behavior is taboo, as it can ‘chill’ the emotions and, in extreme cases, lead to divorce. Because no one desires to live in the ‘marital hell’. So, what has caused them to change and lose the beauty they once had?
1. Higher economic pressure and family responsibilities
Before marriage, couples deeply in love often exchange messages, inquire about each other’s well-being, engage in conversations, or convey affection through smiles filled with happiness in their eyes. Despite their numerous responsibilities, they never forget to show concern, care, and share moments together. For them, their significant other is crucial and irreplaceable by anyone else. It’s all because of the intense love within them that constantly motivates them to express care. The willingness to adapt for each other stems from their appreciation and fear of losing that emotional connection.
However, after getting married, everything becomes chaotic due to the busy demands of taking care of children, managing family finances, domestic and external responsibilities, or focusing on work and cultivating other relationships to establish a strong financial foundation. This positive aspect becomes the reason for emotional distance between husband and wife, as both no longer have much time to devote to each other. Consequently, they gradually lose the emotional bond, sometimes having shallow conversations and even hesitating to express love. Especially for those who struggle to manage their emotions and have low tolerance, any minor setbacks or challenges in their work can easily push them over the edge. Due to their inability to control their emotions, they often unleash their anger onto their partner through blame, criticism, and reproach, as a way to relieve their frustration and helplessness in the face of difficult situations
Individuals with emotional maturity can understand the struggles and insecurities their partners have endured. However, they cannot continue to bear the burden of the other’s negative actions or harsh words because ‘A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears’. Meanwhile, externally, they must endure the pressures of life, lacking not only shared support but also facing increased stress. Through instinctive self-defense, they are compelled to resist whenever the other “torments” their mental well-being, believing that ‘they always has responsibilities to the family and doesn’t deserve to be treated this way’. Gradually, resistance becomes a habit, leading to the loss of gentleness and kindness, not to mention some may even nurture feelings of hatred. This erodes love and trust, as one side lacks patience and the other lacks empathy, widening the gap between them.
2. Lack of skills and experience in handling conflict situations
In romantic relationships, arguments and conflicts are natural occurrences. No one is born with the ability to fully understand the perspectives of others or is proficient in communication skills. People must stumble and collide to gain experience in handling communication situations appropriately. However, some individuals persist in repeating the same actions, refusing to change during arguments, causing the other party to become disheartened, disinterested, and unwilling to engage. Due to the accumulation of too many negative emotions, when their partner ignores them, it touches their self-esteem. They feel belittled, giving rise to doubt and a lack of trust in the other person. Consequently, they lose interest or willingness to interact with their partner, even remaining silent to ‘preserve themselves’. As a result, they begin seeking happiness and peace outside, as deep down, everyone craves care, encouragement, and sharing.
3. Setting goals that do not align with the desires of the partnert
This is considered one of the most common reasons that leads to the breakup of many couples. Despite knowing that the advice from their partner is beneficial for their health, work, and finances, it brings immense pressure and exposes their weaknesses, especially for individuals with high self-esteem. They refuse to be condemned or criticized, as the majority believes that love should encompass respect, empathy, and understanding. If they no longer perceive these qualities in their partner, the relationship gradually becomes trivialized and indifferent. Sometimes, they even forget the efforts that their partner had once put into treating them well. This includes ‘hindering preferences’, as they respect their partner’s wishes before engaging in business or wanting to purchase valuable items or make any decisions. Although they understand that their partner’s concerns are valid, this hinders their drive, passion, and makes them feel disappointed, lacking trust. Consequently, their self-confidence is lost, and at times, they become angry and shift to blaming and resenting their partner.
In reality, there have been numerous tragic cases involving individuals who were once spouses or partners. These individuals show no hesitation in resorting to ruthless and heartless actions, accepting the label of an ‘ungrateful and disloyal person’ simply because they have been hurt by criticism, insults, and offenses from someone they once loved. In contrast, happy couples understand the significance of respect and consistently prioritize each other’s emotions, striving to maintain a positive image of one another.
The ancient teachings say, “There is no bond stronger than the bond between husband and wife, holding hands, leaning on each other, in life and death”. Therefore, we need to cherish the connections we have and always be grateful for what the other person has given us. Instead of imposing our will, we should offer advice and gentle suggestions, allowing them the freedom to choose. Although the outcome may not meet our expectations, at least they will feel the love, care, and trust from their partner. If one cannot accept this perspective, they should seek positive content to expand their knowledge and soothe their inner discomfort. This is still better than enduring daily coldness and indifference from them. However, some studies also indicate that human psychology tends to change when they feel deprived or experience loss.
And it’s even more crucial not to conceal your emotions when you’re under pressure; you should express them because those who care about you wish to share and alleviate those concerns in various ways. Furthermore, any conflict in a relationship has reasons originating from both individuals. The key is whether we can perceive and have the courage to admit our mistakes, to self-correct and help the love to return or not?
By TVVN Press