In any relationship, communication skills play a crucial role as they serve as the bridge to build trust and emotions with the other person, especially through how we converse, making it easier to understand each other. Mastering psychology not only helps create a positive impression but also enhances both work effectiveness and happiness.
There have been numerous wise sayings passed down through generations, such as “Courtesy costs nothing” or “Wise birds sing melodiously, and wise people speak gently and are easy to listen to”. Even Confucius once concluded, “Many words, many defeats”, because in communication, we cannot know every thought of the other person. If inadvertently violating the taboos they set, sometimes it takes a lot of time to mend or it may even result in the loss of good relationships with clients, friends, and family members, and in some cases, even endanger one’s life. That is why our ancestors often reminded us of the saying, “Bite your tongue seven times before speaking”. Therefore, if we want others to respect us, it is important to understand and adhere to the rules of wise conduct.
For instance, when communicating with younger individuals or those in lower positions, it is important to be kind and humble. When interacting with older individuals or those of higher status, we should focus on listening attentively to demonstrate our eagerness to learn. Because even if they may not be exceptionally talented or wealthy, they can undoubtedly impart profound lessons and experiences to us. In the case of business partners or clients, in addition to developing honesty and responsibility, we should also pay attention to politely expressing ourselves and maintaining a professional demeanor. And when it comes to friendships, it is essential to be genuine, enthusiastic, empathetic, and supportive rather than harboring envy or resentment.
Especially with family members or spouses, it’s crucial to be open, express care, and share your feelings without concealing emotions. Most importantly, never leave them to suffer when they’re hurt, and avoid being overly critical when they make mistakes. Instead, take the initiative to understand, advise, and encourage them, allowing them to feel the love and bond within the family. On the other hand, if you feel the need to express a different perspective or provide feedback to someone, it’s important to think carefully and choose your words gently, making them feel respected and cared for. After all, nobody desires criticism or guidance conveyed in harsh language, even if they are just a child.
Therefore, for effective communication, it’s important to cultivate the habits of speaking truthfully, listening genuinely, and understanding profoundly. Within this, there are three main skills to overcome.
1. Language control skills to avoid making mistakes during communication
This is a method of speaking truthfully that helps our words become measured, and humble, and avoid causing psychological harm to the listener. When we excessively use exaggerated language, we are more prone to making mistakes because our excited state of mind may prevent us from maintaining a calm and composed state. This can lead to uncontrolled bragging or unnecessary complaints in our speech. Điều này, càng khiến người nghe khó chịu, không tin tưởng. Consequently, it makes the listener uncomfortable and less trusting. Therefore, we should consciously choose a more civilized and polite way of speaking, refraining from using words that flaunt wealth and limiting complaining.
Therefore, in every conversation, we should avoid using phrases that emphasize our self-importance, such as “I know many people; wherever I go, people admire me; nothing can be done without me; I know I will succeed; these things are easy, why can’t you do them; you must be like this, like that; (back in the day) do you know who I am..”
Instead, we should use encouraging phrases directed towards the listener, such as “I see you excel in this aspect; I’m certain there’s a lot I can learn from you in this regard; well done; next time, I hope to hear another fascinating story like that; I admire your approach…,’ or provide support and care like “I think this is a fitting strength for you; you can do even better, I have faith in you; I agree with your point of view; if you have any troubles, feel free to reach out to me; in my opinion, it’s like this, but you can explore additional sources for more excellent choices; I’m delighted to witness your success; you truly deserve happiness; don’t give up, keep going, etc…”
Especially, during the communication process, it’s important to refrain from discussing absent third parties unless it’s in a positive context that contributes to a constructive conversation. Additionally, pay attention to the tone, intonation, clear and culturally appropriate language used in the local context, as this will make the listener feel understood, connected, and comfortable.
2. Emotional control skills that are not swayed by praise or criticism from others
To embrace the practice of understanding profoundly, one must first identify the value of practical abilities through the results we achieve. Most importantly, it is crucial to have a firm grasp and list out personal weaknesses, which allows for an accurate assessment and detailed recognition of our capabilities and qualities. However, it is equally important to understand that constructive criticism and praise should stem from good intentions, aimed at uplifting others’ spirits rather than exploiting or causing harm. Therefore, any feedback should be courteous and genuine, accurately addressing both strengths and weaknesses. Nevertheless, the praise or criticism received from someone, whether positive or negative, typically doesn’t linger in our thoughts for long since everyone has their own distinct life with various responsibilities and concerns.
Nonetheless, when we understand that praise and criticism are fleeting moments, there is no reason to become preoccupied, chasing after feelings of excitement, pride, annoyance, or frustration. Conversely, during such times, it is essential to view them as opportunities for psychological growth, a chance to refine our reactions, and further our personal development.
3. Listening Focus Skills in Communication
In the process of communication, listening skills are considered the most crucial element. Often, we tend to impose our understanding onto the individuals we communicate with, making comparisons. When they are highly knowledgeable, we are more inclined to embrace listening. However, if their knowledge is on par or lower, the urge to assert themselves can arise when they present arguments that lack persuasiveness or accuracy.
Therefore, to apply genuine listening in this scenario, it is essential to incorporate humility to engage in conversations with others. If we find it challenging to do so, we can explore information about their life circumstances to identify their weaknesses. Research has shown that people who are unwilling to listen to others are often going through difficult phases, experiencing emotional instability, low self-confidence, or pressure related to their mental well-being, finances, or unfulfilled aspirations. Once we find empathy and compassion, we can wholeheartedly listen and remain silent to help the other person ‘express’ their emotions and perspectives, allowing them to feel acknowledged by the listener. This is also a way to manifest humaneness in communication.
All of these methods not only help us enhance our communication skills with everyone but also elicit love and appreciation in the eyes of others.
By TVVN Press
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