In life, there are countless reasons that may lead us to experience pain and pressure, especially when it comes to criticism and insults. These negative words can potentially result in harmful behaviors, impacting our mental well-being significantly, and even leading to depression or despair. What are the underlying causes, and how can we dispel the emotional turmoil and insecurity when facing such challenges?
Words are sharp weapons that can be highly effective in communication, they have the power to save but also to harm. Certainly, no one wishes to become a victim of criticism and insults. However, no one has ever escaped moments of being offended or belittled by others. Especially as society continues to advance, freedom of speech is increasingly encouraged for the purpose of critiquing and debating negative aspects. Additionally, there are quite a few instances where, for personal gain, they disseminate information on social media or rely on their credibility to make accusations based on unverified and unauthenticated images. They only rely on self-generated arguments but still manage to convincingly sway the concerned community’s attention and trust. This action, for the most part, is geared towards a negative perspective with the aim of tarnishing the reputation of the other party.
For individuals with weak psychological resilience or high self-esteem, they can quickly become mentally defeated, and sometimes even get pulled into unhealthy mindsets. Therefore, in the showbiz industry and for celebrities who achieve fame, they have to learn to adapt to controversies in order to stand firm in their careers. For instance, South Korean stars, before making their public debut, undergo at least two years of training provided by entertainment companies to equip them with knowledge, professional skills, and the ability to handle complex situations with the media and the public. Because, as human beings, nobody can avoid making mistakes or having faults, and nobody truly understands the pain that we have experienced. Instead of trying to refute the noise, profound individuals often choose to remain silent, let go, and avoid creating further complications. However, some individuals are emotionally suppressed, enduring frustration and anger because they cannot express themselves or break free from the ‘shadow of insecurity’ caused by offensive, derogatory, and belittling remarks. That’s the reason why they still experience pain and emotional distress every time they recall those memories.
In such cases, it is advisable to confront and acknowledge our feelings in order to choose an appropriate psychological treatment. If the pain persists and is hard to forget, consider the following three practical steps that can help transform thoughts into positive and peaceful ones.
1. Considering oneself as unimportant in the eyes of others
Most people find it difficult to overcome gossip, criticism, and judgment because they value their own worth and seek recognition from others. Therefore, when someone insults or offends them, they are prone to emotional distress as it triggers their sense of self-esteem. This is considered a primary factor that generates barriers and limits the ability to connect, reduces flexibility, and slows down personal growth. Hence, it is essential to eliminate the mindset of excessive self-importance, such as considering oneself as intelligent, talented, wealthy, or beautiful. Instead, let us live in a way we have never experienced before.
In reality, many intelligent individuals with strong financial potential choose to live a modest lifestyle, neither superior nor inferior, but with a strong appetite for learning. Despite their capabilities, they are often hesitant to showcase their talents and accomplishments, understanding that “for every high mountain there is an even higher mountain”. As the proverb goes, “a deep river flows silently, and ripe rice bows its head”, reminding smart and talented individuals to be reserved, humble, and always place themselves lower than others. This way, not only does one safeguard oneself from temptations and gossip but also has the opportunity to accumulate experience and acquire additional knowledge from those around.
2. Facing the negative words of others in a positive manner
In life, no one can escape negative words and insults from others. Particularly, with the prevalence of fake news on social media, information becomes more distorted. Even driven by personal gain and jealousy, they can resort to using disparaging and slanderous language to bash each other. They skillfully employ language to craft persuasive narratives, accompanied by authentic-looking images, making it challenging for the community to discern the truth. In life, no one can escape negative words and insults from others. Particularly, with the prevalence of fake news on social media, information becomes more distorted. Even driven by personal gain and jealousy, individuals can resort to using disparaging and slanderous language to attack each other. They skillfully employ language to craft persuasive narratives, accompanied by authentic-looking images, making it challenging for the community to discern the truth. Therefore, to truly understand the subject, intelligent users often prioritize verification and content validation through a third party or an authoritative body because ‘seeing is not always believing’ Consequently, critics commonly rely on the results presented by reputable media or legal authorities for counterarguments and assessments.
Nevertheless, with daily ‘conflicts’ unfolding, how can viewers find sufficient time to delve into the subject. Especially, everybody asserts that, they are considered the ‘bad guys’, so making inaccurate judgments about them is understandable. Moreover, with overly persuasive illustrations, it’s no wonder that viewers/listeners have strong and intense reactions. Which is why the Vietnamese government widely applies Article 331 of the Penal Code, which deals with “Exploiting democratic freedoms to infringe upon the lawful interests of the State, rights, and legitimate interests of organizations, individuals”, to safeguard those who are falsely accused and have the right to bring a lawsuit. In severe cases, if it adversely affects social order, the penalty may range from 2 to 7 years of imprisonment.
Typically, individuals who seek peace and gentleness tend to choose silence in the face of criticism, insults, and false accusations because they do not want to create noise and inconvenience. On the other hand, some psychologically vulnerable individuals may fall into depression and exhaustion due to being repeatedly subjected to baseless attacks, with the perception that their silence implies guilt. This often leads to many people being unable to withstand the pressure of public scrutiny, resulting in severe mental breakdowns. Therefore, this method is suitable for those who dislike conflict and arguments. By utilizing the principle of “Habit cures habit” through the practice of transforming language into positive expressions, it helps to release the negative energy that resides within. Therefore, be bold enough to revisit their posts and highlight the details containing offensive, discriminatory, derogatory, or slanderous language. Although those phrases may evoke unpleasant memories, transforming them into positive equivalents will result in a more optimistic outcome.
For example, if person A speaks negatively about person B to person C, saying, “She’s a liar, always showing off and looking down on others”. You can highlight the emphasized words: “liar, showing off, looking down on others” to express person A’s opinion. Then, choose positive equivalent words to replace them, such as “wise instead of liar” ; “sharing, recounting instead of showing off”; “having a positive attitude instead of looking down on others”; and “fortunate instead of wealthy”. From this, we can temporarily understand that according to person A’s positive saying about person B to person C, “She’s very wise, always sharing their fortunate experiences and having a positive attitude”. Reading this a few times will reveal a difference in mindset.
If it is not possible to find positive synonyms, then choose content that you disagree with or find difficult to accept the most, and read or listen to it repeatedly. Initially, it may make you feel heated or frustrated, but after a few repetitions, your brain will become accustomed to it and adapt because the brain has the ability to self-regulate the body and only react strongly to new situations. Therefore, to effectively apply this method, make an effort to read or listen continuously for 7-10 times, within a period of 1-3 days. Eventually, the feelings of annoyance and anger will dissipate. In the future, even if you read or hear similar things, you will no longer feel the same fear as the first time. This process is similar to how children often get scolded or disciplined, gradually losing their sense of fear and sometimes even challenging back.
3. Develop empathy towards negative individuals and learn the tolerance of positive individuals
Perhaps, it is indeed challenging to empathize with individuals carrying toxic energy who have once criticized and portrayed us negatively. However, when looked at more broadly from a psychological perspective, they often harbor internal wounds, stemming from family conflicts, economic pressures, unhappy marriages, or experiencing depression due to a lack of care and affection from loved ones. Over time, these factors contribute to the development of a hot-tempered, insecure, and self-esteem-driven personality, causing them to lose optimism and adopt extreme thinking patterns. Consequently, when faced with unfavorable situations, they tend to react strongly and uncomfortably. All of this, because of a lack of acceptance, bearing too much pressure, coupled with insufficient internal coping abilities and a lack of understanding from others. Consequently, they often resort to ‘venting their anger’ onto others through bitter words, gradually forming a habit deeply ingrained in their personality.
On the other hand, their presence serves as a valuable lesson, prompting self-reflection on our own shortcomings and areas for improvement. This perspective makes it easier for us to empathize with those who live negatively or criticize others. Moreover, the key to distinguishing a kind person lies in the singular approach of ‘treating others kindly even when they are not kind to us’, as forgiveness is the path to self-love. If we cannot forget, we are retracing the dark path they have taken.
To treat them well, honestly, is not an easy task. However, if you make an effort to observe and learn from positive and happy individuals, you will find that most of them maintain a cheerful and optimistic spirit, appreciating even the smallest things. Additionally, they are often patient, empathetic, and inclined to be forgiving toward others because they believe that outcomes depend on the thoughts we choose.
By TVVN Press
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